


It Was Always You

by queenbyun



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1940s, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Illnesses, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Master/Servant, Mutual Pining, Oral Sex, Period-Typical Homophobia, Slow Burn, Smut, and the mountains echoed au, at the end lol, erwin is levi's master and he falls in love, it actually gets pretty fluffy at the end really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2018-12-07 01:11:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11612823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenbyun/pseuds/queenbyun
Summary: Levi will always remember this moment, with the cool breeze ruffling his hair, sunlight dappling through the forest leaves, and Erwin’s hand warm over his. This is exactly how, and when, Levi falls in love.





	1. Blinding, Golden Sunlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus I have embarked on my second full-length fic! As noted in the tags, this is loosely based off of Khaled Hosseini's And the Mountains Echoed. For those familiar with the novel, you'll recognize it as Nabi's narration within the story. Now, without further ado, enjoy!
> 
> Written while listening to: Exo's Walk on Memories

When Levi comes to Sina from the Underground to look for a job, he accepts a few truths. The truth that he’s giving up his freedom so that Isabel could have hers, away from poverty. The truth that he’d be taking orders, serving someone else for the rest of his life. The truth that he would probably never be able to go home.

That being said, he is more than willing to accept those truths as facts, for her. And so he finds himself at the doorstep of Erwin Smith’s grandiose mansion, palms sweaty and a reluctant plea on the tip of his tongue.

Erwin comes from old money; no one really knows where exactly his fortune emerged from anymore but he’s far too important of a figure in high society for anyone to ask.

Despite his elevated status, Levi knows of rumors, hushed whispers of how Erwin was a shut-in, choosing solitude over any luxury fortune bestowed upon him. He’s rather unnerving, they say, with his hard mouth and impenetrable stare. It’s best to not involve yourself with a man like Erwin.

Not that Levi cares. He’s as good of a boss as any other disgustingly rich men with so much money they didn’t know what to do with it. At least he isn’t old and ugly. Or so he hears. Levi has never seen the man before, but there has been one too many stories of young daughters, even wives of aristocrats swooning over Erwin’s beauty to even think of disputing his dashing good looks.

Handsome man or not, Erwin sure isn’t a picky one. The day Levi knocks on the gates to his mansion, a servant brings him directly to the man himself. Led through a maze of long, twisting hallways, Levi finds himself in a grand library, and quite possibly the grandest place he’s ever set foot in. Levi lays eyes on Erwin, seated by the window overlooking the garden, for the first time then.

Sunlight throws a soft glow on his chiseled face and gleams off of his golden blond hair. The man is reclined in his oak chair, pencil and sketchbook in each hand, but his broad shoulders and sturdy chest make it clear to Levi that he’s undeniably tall. Levi allows his eyes to trail over Erwin’s features, slowly taking in the thick, blond eyebrows. Cerulean blue eyes that could pierce his very thoughts. The angular slope of his jawline. He decides for himself that Erwin was, indeed, a handsome man, if not a Greek god.

“Hello,” Erwin greets cordially, “I understand that you’re seeking employment?”

“Yes sir,” Levi answers, hating the taste of those stiff, polite words in his mouth.

“I see.” Erwin pauses, giving Levi a once-over. His eyes drags down, trailing over Levi’s tiny frame before darting back up to study his face. Levi stiffens, feeling an awful lot like an animal getting inspected before being bid on at the auction block. He fights the urge to tell the man to keep his god damn eyes to himself.

“My name is Erwin Smith,” the blond says seriously, as if there was anyone left in this god forsaken town who didn't know just exactly who he was. “And you are?”

“Levi,” he replies tersely.

“Levi.” Erwin repeats this slowly, like he’s savoring the letters as it rolls off his tongue. “Very well. You're hired.”

_That's it?_

Levi manages to hide his surprise with a curt nod. If Erwin wants to be a fool and allow any wandering stranger into his home to work for him, then that's got nothing to do with Levi.

“Tell me, Levi, can you cook?”

“I can.” He cooked for himself, and eventually Isabel, for many years. In the Underground, it was hard enough to acquire raw ingredients as it is, let alone prepared food.

“Perfect. Our previous cook recently quit to pursue a career of theater, of all things. You can assume his position.” Erwin raises a poised hand and a maid is at his side in an instant. “Nanaba, would you be so kind as to show Levi his new quarters?” the blond asks kindly, as if she has the choice to refuse without being thrown out at the snap of his fingers. If he chose to do so, that is.  

Nanaba, of course, follows Erwin’s pretense and agrees with a slight bow. Erwin murmurs his thanks, and promptly turns his eyes back to the sketchbook still in his lap, pencil already hovering over the page in an anticipating stroke. Levi’s been dismissed. As Levi’s led out of the library, he can’t help but sneak a glance over his shoulder. Instead of sketching as he had been when Levi turned around, Erwin is now watching him. Albeit with a blank face, his deep eyes glint with something Levi can’t quite decipher. Their eyes meet for a brief moment, and it’s electrifying. Levi whips his head back around, feeling his cheeks heat up.

Levi considers for a fleeting second whether it would be an issue for someone like him, with his, ah, _preferences_ , to be working in close proximity to such a handsome man. He quickly dismisses the thought in the very next moment with a scoff at his naivety. When he emerged from the Underground, sun shining on his face for the first time yet tightly shackled by the misfortunes of life, he knew he was giving up his freedom to love, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short and sweet, but a start nonetheless. I hope you look forward to the next chapter :) As always, kudos and comments are very much appreciated!


	2. Call Me Crazy But I Still Want You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written while listening to: Exo's Going Crazy

Erwin is married. Levi doesn’t know much about him, as private of a man as he is, but he knows that much. His wife’s name is Marie, and she’s just as ethereal as him. A match made in heaven. Curiously, their unrivaled beauty is just about where their commonalities end.

It takes Levi about a month before he grows accustomed to Erwin’s modest lifestyle. The rumors he heard are true; no matter how dapper the man is, he only ever wears the same bolo tie everyday. His tea, too, is a decent yet relatively inexpensive brand that even Levi could have afforded in the Underground, if he saved up.

Marie acts every bit the part of a pampered trophy wife, flaunting a new dress every other week. Like Erwin, she’s kind to the help. But when Nanaba spills a drop of coffee on the sleeve of her emerald green dress, her newest acquisition, she doesn’t hesitate to punish the maid. Levi risks his own neck when he sneaks Nanaba a loaf of bread later on that evening, lest she go to bed hungry.

While Levi’s entire day revolves around Erwin, he rarely comes in contact with his wife. Whenever Levi does catch a glimpse of the strawberry blonde bombshell, though, she’s often lounging on the porch, gloved fingers daintily turning the page of a book. A sweating glass of iced tea, sitting prettily on a coaster, will always be on the table beside her. On especially hot days, Nanaba will be by her side, tirelessly fanning her.

The couple comes together for breakfast every day. Afterwards, they part ways, seldom seeing each again as they go about their day. They live on a parallel: cohabiting together under one roof but hardly ever crossing paths.

Even so, their relationship is civil, if anything. When Marie twitters on about Miss. Zoe’s eccentric headwear or the new tea shop opening down the street, Erwin smiles attentively, murmuring “I see,” or “Is that so?” whenever appropriate.

Unbeknownst to most outsiders, Marie has her own room, just adjacent from the master bedroom. How many nights she spends with Erwin, Levi doesn’t know.

.

.

.

As the time Levi spends serving Erwin stretches on, he slowly learns of Erwin’s likes and dislikes, his quirks and peeves. He might have been unable to hold his sharp tongue a few times too many to be considered an ideal servant, but he has come to know Erwin’s habits and rituals well.

Every morning after breakfast, like clockwork, Erwin would take walks around the neighborhood. Levi had gathered that Erwin often preferred solitude but curiously, he dislikes taking his strolls alone. Somehow, Levi is expected to go with him. Though Levi abides by Erwin’s wish, he does not see the point of his presence, for Erwin never so much as glances at him, seemingly forever lost in his own thoughts. The man walks briskly, as if he was not at all on a leisurely stroll. He walks with his hands tightly clasped behind his back, and the heels of his dress shoes clicking smartly against the pavement.

Levi, with his inherent disadvantage against the tall blond, is constantly forced catch up to Erwin’s long strides. More often than not, he ends up a good few paces behind, resigning to letting his master to walk up ahead by himself anyway. But Erwin never utters a word of complaint. In fact, once Levi sees him wiping his mouth as the conversation with Marie over breakfast wanes, Levi would make himself available at Erwin’s side, for he knows his master’s two-fingered cue would be next. _Come with me._

_._

_._

_._

Levi was hired as the cook, but he ends up doing whatever his master sees fit. Which means he becomes Erwin’s personal butler and gardener, among other things. Levi doesn’t mind; his cleaning tendencies are almost more than Erwin could handle anyway, and he soon finds that he has a knack for gardening. What he minds the least, however, is Erwin bestowing upon him the keys to his mid-1940’s model Chevrolet.

Levi is watering the bushes out front when Erwin approaches him with a knowing smile on his face.

“Ah, Levi. I was looking for you.” Erwin’s eyes are bright, hopeful. “You know how to drive, yes?”

Levi doesn’t. He couldn't possibly know; hardly anyone in the Underground had that kind of money, let alone a street rat like him. When he doesn’t say anything, Erwin translates it as confusion, so he jerks his head in the direction of the sparkling Chevrolet behind him.

“I’d like to go out for a drive, but I don’t particularly feel like driving myself today.” He holds up the keys and gives it a jingle. “Perhaps you can be my chauffeur for the day?”

 _No_ is on the tip of Levi’s tongue. The last thing he needs is getting fired for crashing his master’s car. But he takes one look at the handsome model, all sleek lines and polished finish, and he finds himself nodding. Levi’s not one to pass up a golden opportunity when he sees one.

The car lurches the first few times Levi tentatively puts his foot to the pedal, and he feels very overwhelmed. He sneaks a peek at Erwin in the rear view mirror to see if the jig is up. The blond notices Levi and beams.

“A beauty, isn’t she? She’s the newest model, though, so the pedal and brakes may be more responsive than you’re used to.”

Levi nods slowly, not quite believing he’s in the clear. “That she is, Mr. Smith.”

Erwin continues to smile at him through the tiny mirror, but now his eyes have a gentle, encouraging quality to them. _Go on._

With a warmth rising in his chest, Levi manages to pull the car out of the driveway with some semblance of finesse, and the color of Erwin’s cerulean orbs lingers in his mind long after the mansion disappears from view.

No matter how rocky the first drive had been, Levi, the sharp mind that he is, gets the hang of it soon after, and by the third week he’s parking at the front gates with ease. He’s yet to damage the car, and again, Erwin seems to deem him a suitable companion, so their excursions become a weekly routine. Every Thursday, when Erwin leaves his study to have his afternoon tea, Levi knows to start wiping down the car so that it’s spotless by the time Erwin arrives.

And then they go. Once a month, Erwin dedicates one of their trips to the art supply store to stock up on colored pencils, eraser, sketchbooks, and the like. Levi would wait in the car, drumming his fingers on the leather-covered steering wheel as he idly watches the people passing by. Other times, Levi takes Erwin to family gatherings, or other social events. Levi knows his master dreads these trips, for his mouth stays in a hard line and his back is always strung tight. Marie makes him go, to keep up appearances. He always comes back out when the night is still young, without a trace of alcohol in his breath when he climbs in the car and says, “It's time to go back, Levi.”

Sometimes, Erwin has Levi cruise around town, with no real destination in sight.

_Where to, Mr. Smith?_

_Why, anywhere at all._

_Fine._

Levi and Erwin stumble upon paradise purely by chance. On one of their excursions, Levi takes a wrong turn at one point or another and ends up on the outskirts of town. He grimaces as he pushes the Chevrolet uphill on the dirt road, lamenting the chore of cleaning the mud-caked tires when they get back. He’s absorbed in his own thoughts when Erwin calls out.

“Stop, Levi.”

Levi hits the brakes and looks over his shoulder. Erwin’s gazing out the window, and his eyes are glimmering with such intensity that Levi fights the urge to look away.  

“Would you look at that,” Erwin says breathlessly.

Levi looks, and the view outside their window takes his breath away too.

They’re parked at the top of a ridge, gently rolling hills filling the landscape for as far as Levi can see. To their side, a sea of trees loom over the car, granting shade that ebbs and flows like waves as the leaves flutter in the breeze. Levi has never seen anything like it before in his life, and Erwin probably hasn't either. 

“Let’s stay here, for just a moment,” Erwin whispers. Levi knows he’s not looking but he nods in agreement anyway.

They sit together in silence until the sun sets, their drive home illuminated only by the moon.

.

.

.

Another thing Levi learns about Erwin is that he likes to draw. He had been sketching in the library the day Levi barged in unannounced looking for work, but Levi didn’t realize how much of a hobby it really was for him until his first summer in the Smith household.

Levi finds Erwin drawing everywhere and anywhere: perched in the balcony of the master bedroom, in the library, or at the dining room table. On one particular day, Levi’s out in the garden, despite the hellish heat, loosening the dirt to plant peonies when Erwin plops down in a chair on the porch.

“Good afternoon, Levi. What a lovely day, isn’t it?”

Levi only hums in reply without a hitch to his shoveling.

Erwin pays his less than enthusiastic response no mind, though. In the months since his employment, Erwin’s gotten used to Levi as well. Instead, he flips open his sketchbook, picks out a pencil from his case, and begins drawing. They both work in silence for minutes. Levi plunges the shovel relentlessly into the dirt, and Erwin guides his pencil over the paper fervently. Levi straightens up to wipe the sweat off his face and out of the corner of his eyes, he sees Erwin’s thick eyebrows furrowing in concentration, his pencil looping and circling on the sketchbook. Levi loosens his grip on the shovel and stands up straight, now looking at Erwin square on. He’s never seen Erwin sketching up close, always passing by on other errands when he catches him, and he’s never seen such intensity in Erwin’s eyes. Kindness and empathy, yes, but his eyes have never lit up like this. Levi’s instantly intrigued.

Up until now, Levi’s interactions with Erwin have been plentiful, yet wordless. The blond has attempted conversation numerous times, but Levi tries to curb them as succinctly as possible without coming off too rudely. He’s already caught his heart beating wildly near Erwin one too many times and he doesn’t need to be any closer to the man than he already is. But on that exceptionally hot and sticky afternoon, a strange surge of boldness seizes Levi.

“What are you drawing?” Levi dares to venture. He takes the opportunity to stick the shovel into the loose dirt and prop an elbow on the handle. If he’s going to make small talk, he might as well rest.

Erwin looks up and smiles, not exactly surprised at Levi’s speaking up but pleased all the same.

“Oh, you know,” he muses, “Whatever catches my eyes around here. I like capturing beauty in the moment, immortalizing them with my pencil.”

Levi snorts. As he spends more time with the blond, he’s beginning to see that Erwin’s nothing but a sappy old man. Of course he’s infatuated with the flowers.

“You better get to it, then.” He gestures to the vibrant array of blossoms surrounding him. “These peonies won’t be here forever.”

Erwin chuckles. If he's taken aback by Levi’s bluntness, he doesn't show it. “I suppose not.”

His eyes soften, pinning Levi with that locked gaze of his that Levi can never decipher the meaning of. “But I can hope,” he murmurs, still looking at Levi and not the peonies.

Levi holds his gaze, entranced by the ocean in his eyes, and time slows to a slumber in their little garden. Neither of them breathes a word. Marie’s shrill call for Nanaba to get her more iced tea from inside the house slices through the silence, and the spell is broken. Levi quickly diverts his eyes, trying to convince himself that the warmth in his cheeks is due to the stifling summer heat.

“Whatever you say, Mr. Smith.”

Through it all, the blond remains unruffled.

“Please, Levi,” he says, “You know I hate formalities. It’s high time you started calling me Erwin, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Absolutely not,” Levi shoots back, still shaken by their intimate moment. “The others are already calling me your favorite. If they catch me using your first name, I sure as hell will never hear the end of it.”

He chooses to not mention the crude jokes of him warming their master’s bed that Levi has to slap the back of their heads for. Eren and Jean are often the biggest offenders, and they never learn their lesson.

Erwin throws his hands up in surrender, his deep laugh resonating loudly. “Alright, alright. Fair enough. Mr. Smith it is.”

He throws Levi a boyish grin. “For now.”

Levi feels himself falling, like sand slipping through his fingers, but he can hardly bring himself to care when Erwin smiles at him like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not intend for Levi to develop feelings for Erwin until much later, but alas, Levi (and I) just can't resist Erwin's charms~~
> 
> With most of the exposition established, the next chapters will bring more action! Tags will have to be added...and the fic will finally fit the rating it's been given *hint hint* 
> 
> Until then, kudos and comments are very much appreciated!


	3. The Deeper the Darkness the Better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written while listening to: Exo's Chill

Everything changes during Levi’s second autumn with Erwin, in more ways than one.

Erwin picks up on it, right away. Levi makes no effort to pull a smile, or even his usual nonchalant expression, over his somber face. Erwin comes up to him, most likely for their weekly drive—it’s a Thursday—and his smile slides right off. He studies Levi openly, taking it all in. And Levi lets him. There’s no use in trying to contain a hurtling tsunami with a barrier of any kind. Still, Levi is surprised and a little bit relieved when Erwin wordlessly gives his two-fingered gesture and breezes past him. Their drive proceeds as per usual.

The journey up to the hills is a silent one, but that’s routine for the two of them, anyhow. The Chevrolet slowly rolls to a stop, over the grass already flattened by their frequent visits. Levi puts the windows a fourth of the way down, just the way Erwin likes it—enough to feel a breeze but not enough to let the bugs find their way in.

Levi glances into the rear-view mirror to check if Erwin is already gazing out the window, and he is. Good. Levi needs time to himself. He rests his head against the window, feeling the bite of the chilly autumn wind swirling over his head and wishing it would numb his mind, too.

“Won’t you tell me what’s wrong?” Erwin’s voice is soft, but Levi hears it loud and clear, even over the howling wind. Levi looks up and sees a slice of Erwin’s profile in the mirror.

“You can tell me, Levi,” Erwin murmurs, “I’m here for you. You know I am.”

Levi has half a mind to snap and tell the blond that he should mind his own goddamn business. That he doesn’t know shit about Levi. That they’re not _friends_ , or anything more that Levi wouldn’t dare to materialize even in his thoughts.

But Levi’s so, so tired. He doesn’t want to hold up this façade of aloofness. Not now, not in front of Erwin. For once, he just wants to be honest with himself.

“Isabel’s dead,” Levi deadpans. He nearly retches, because saying it out loud only makes it all the more real. Erwin says nothing. He’s listening. Waiting. In the face of blistering silence, Levi can’t seem to stop the flow of words.

“She got sick and died a painful death, the way people do in the Underground. I found out through a note this morning.” Still, Erwin does not speak.

“She was something like a sister to me.” Levi breathes hard, struggling to soothe the caving hole in his chest. But how could he?

“She’s all I had left. I loved her more than anything in the world.” At that, Levi loses it and a sob escapes him before he can slap a hand over his mouth.

With tears blurring his eyes, Levi can’t see but he knows Erwin hasn’t moved an inch. A moment of silence passes, punctuated only by Levi’s muffled cries. Then, he hears the back door open and close. Before he knows it, Erwin’s opening the passenger door. Still strapped in the driver’s seat, Levi can only look up at him through his tears. With the sun’s golden rays haloing Erwin’s head, he reminds Levi of an angel.

Erwin climbs into the passenger seat and Levi’s heartbeat quickens even through the fog of his agony; he’s never been this close to Erwin and his presence is suffocating. Completely unaware of his awe, the blond plucks Levi’s limp hand from his lap and holds it tightly over the middle console between them.

“You can cry, Levi,” Erwin murmurs, turning his head towards the window. “I won’t look.”

Erwin’s gentleness all but rips Levi apart, and it’s the last straw for him. He feels grief bubbling up within him and he doesn’t suppress it this time. Levi clings onto Erwin’s hand as if his life depends on it. It certainly feels like it does.

He doesn’t know how long he sat there, sobs wracking his chest. He just knows that when the tears subside and his breathing quiets into sniffles, Erwin is still holding his hand.

Levi will always remember this moment, with the cool breeze ruffling his hair, sunlight dappling through the forest leaves, and Erwin’s hand warm over his. This is exactly how, and when, Levi falls in love.

.

.

.

Levi’s feelings are but a quiet revelation. He knows they’re from different worlds, him and Erwin, so he doesn’t entertain the idea of confessing. Doesn’t dare to.

After all, what could he possibly expect? Even if Levi were foolish enough to hope that Erwin prefers men in spite of his marriage, and that Erwin actually fancied him of all people, it would still mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. Was Erwin to abandon everything—his wife, his reputation, his _life **—**_ for him? Levi wouldn’t be able to make him happy enough to make up for those things. He’s lived long enough to see that when people fall in love carelessly, recklessly, they only end up resenting each other in the wake of the destruction.

And he doesn’t want Erwin to hate him. Just this, living in Erwin’s shadow every step of the way, is enough. Because even that sort of pathetic existence is better than not being with Erwin at all.

Levi’s resolve is only reinforced from then on. He sees Erwin together with Eren on his way to the kitchen. In passing, he hears nothing of their conversation, but he sees enough. He sees the way Erwin readily smiles at Eren as he talks, eyes receptive and understanding. The way he puts a hand on Eren’s shoulder, as if he were a big brother offering encouragement.

That’s just the way Erwin is, Levi realizes as he chops the onions, perhaps a bit more forcefully than necessary. He’s just a master who’s exceptionally kind to his servants. All of them. He suddenly feels awfully silly for how his heart skipped a beat when Erwin held his hand even though the blond was only trying to comfort him.

_You’re nothing special to him, you fool._

.

.

.

Soon, however, none of that matters. Because Erwin nearly dies.

Levi isn’t there when it happens, but he hears all about it. How Erwin turned deathly pale and clammy. How he wheezed like a gasping fish out of water. How his right arm trembled and shook wildly, a line of spittle dribbling from his mouth.

And Levi’s glad he wasn’t there. He wouldn’t have wanted to see Erwin like that.

He had a stroke, is what they say. Levi learns this, and all the implications it holds, when the doctor explains it to him and Marie in the hallway outside of Erwin’s hospital room. He faintly hears certain words—“almost lost his life” and “paralyzed” amongst the jumble of medical jargon—but none of it really registers. It only truly hits him when he’s allowed into the room and lays his eyes on his master.

Levi doesn’t recognize the man lying in the bed. He’s unshaven and ragged-looking. It had only been a matter of hours, but his frame seems to have become shrunken and frail. He looks nothing of the firm man who gripped Levi’s hand and whispered, _“I’m here for you.”_

Yet, it’s Erwin’s gentle eyes that follow Levi’s every movement as he sits at his bedside. It’s Erwin’s low, albeit raspy, voice that chuckles and says, “Well, isn’t this quite the predicament?”

Levi scoffs, but it sounds more like a sob even to himself, because he can’t believe it, that this is really his Erwin.

“You are so, incredibly, stupid,” he whispers, not trusting his voice not to crack if he raised it.

“I know,” Erwin murmurs. The humor finally slips from his face, and a raw sorrow fills his cerulean blue eyes, as if he’s terribly sorry. “I know.”

Erwin will eventually walk again, many months later, due to sheer determination—and perhaps a bit of a miracle. His right arm, though, will remain immobilized for the rest of his life, a flaccid hunk of flesh and bones.

But no one knows that in the moment. Erwin is resigned to being bedridden for the unforeseeable future and is taken home in a wheelchair. From the wheelchair, it’s straight to the bed. And in the bed, he stays.

Marie now resides in her own little room across the master where Erwin lies. If she ever slept by her husband’s side in the past, she certainly doesn’t do so now.

Despite this, despite however partial Levi is to her, he must admit that she undeniably tries. With the doctors and nurses gone, she washes Erwin herself, painstakingly wiping down every inch of his body in the tub. She turns Erwin in his bed, with Levi’s help, four times a day so he doesn’t develop bedsores.

But Marie wasn’t made from this fabric. She’s accustomed to the fine life: being waited on and having everything at her daintily gloved fingertips, and not the other way around.

She couldn’t do it. And she didn’t.

The day she’s set to leave, Levi sends her off. He approaches her and their eyes meet. Marie smiles hesitantly and smooths her palms over her dress. Behind her, Eren and Jean are busy loading her suitcases into the car her family has sent for her.

“How is he?” Levi asks.

“Fine. Relieved, I think.”

The petite woman sighs, glancing up briefly at the third window from the left on the second story. Erwin’s room.

“Though, that may just be my wishful thinking.”

“I’m sure he is,” Levi says. In spite of everything, Levi realizes that Marie must have loved Erwin in her own way, for her to be biting her lips to stop it from  quivering. “He understands. You know he does.”

When she nods, her strawberry blond curls bob with her head. “Either way, I’m glad you’re with him.”

Marie pulls him in for a hug then, startling Levi.

“It was you,” she whispers in his ear, “it was always you, Levi. Didn’t you know?”

Before Levi can fully comprehend her words, she’s already pulling away and stepping towards the car. He never gets to ask her what she meant.

Still, Marie’s mysterious goodbye is already in the back of his mind by the time he approaches Erwin’s bedroom. There are more pressing matters to tend to. He knocks succinctly three times before entering. Erwin’s in the same position they left him in.

“Has she gone?” Erwin asks softly.

“Yeah.”

“I see.”

It’s Levi’s turn to study Erwin. His lips are tightened in a hardened line, grim, but they often are these days. However, his brows remain neutral and his posture on the bed is relaxed. Erwin’s not terribly distraught over this new development.

Still, Levi does not want Erwin’s thoughts to linger on her. He clears his throat.

“How does chicken noodle soup sound for lunch, Mr. Smith?”

“Levi, please,” Erwin sighs, “You’ve seen me in some of the most vulnerable, and frankly embarrassing, positions.” It’s true. Although Marie certainly tried, Levi was delegated the less pleasant duties, such as changing Erwin’s diapers and wiping him clean.

“We hardly have the relationship of a man and his servant anymore. It’s about time that you started calling me Erwin, don’t you think?”

This is dangerous territory, is what Levi really thinks. But then Erwin gives him that smile, the same one from the porch that day, and Levi all but surrenders

“Okay,” Levi says, his heart hammering in his chest, “Erwin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was incredibly difficult for me to write about Erwin being sick; I'm still very tender from chapter 84 ;'( but I digress. We are in the final stretch of the fic! I know it got really angsty really quick, but all good things come in time. Kudos and comments are appreciated as always!!


	4. Chapter 4

What is Levi to say about the years that follow?

A few months after Erwin fell sick, Levi begins to toy with the idea of letting Nanaba and the other servants go. With Marie gone and Erwin’s activity drastically decreased, there was hardly a need for so many of them when there was so little to do around the household. Levi already naturally assumed the role of Erwin’s main caretaker; all that would be extra work would be cooking meals and doing laundry for the two of them, and perhaps tending to the garden. All things he had been doing in the past, anyway. If he found other suitable jobs for the servants, it would be doable. Underneath the pragmatism of it all, though, the idea of living alone with Erwin tempts Levi. There's something domestic about it that appeals to him. He’s playing with fire, he knows, but once the thought enters his mind it doesn’t leave. After stewing over it for another couple of days, he brings it up with Erwin.

“Absolutely not, Levi. You'll tire yourself out.”

“I'm suggesting it, aren't I? It means I wouldn't mind,” Levi says hotly. He lowers his eyes so Erwin does not see the intensity in his gaze that betrays his light words.

Erwin regards Levi for a moment, and of course, he understands what Levi means under the nonchalance. He always does.

“Very well,” he sighs in defeat, “I see that you’ve made up your mind, anyhow. Once you find replacement jobs for them, you may proceed to dismiss them.”

Levi nods curtly, subdued now that he achieved what he wanted: a satisfied cat that got the milk. Erwin picks up on this too, and chuckles softly. Levi’s face heats up, hating the way Erwin’s low voice makes him feel. Erwin tilts his head inquisitively and Levi knows he’s about to say something stupid. Erwin may be able to read Levi like a book, but Levi has come to understand Erwin in a simple, wordless way, too.

“Pay yourself any salary you’d like. You know where I keep the money.”

And there it is.

“You idiot. I could rob you blind and abandon you.”

“That's true,” Erwin admits, his eyes on Levi unwavering. “And yet, that’s what I’m telling you.”

Levi snorts. What a helpless old man. “I’m not having this conversation with you anymore. I’m going downstairs to make lunch. Try not to die while I’m gone.”

.

.

.

As the days bleed into each other, the boundaries of their relationship becomes hazy, too. Before long, Erwin learns just how much of a potty mouth Levi truly has. And how much he likes calling Erwin the most insulting of names. Among them, “shitty old man” is Erwin’s personal favorite. In turn, Levi also gets to see Erwin as he is, the person under all the gentlemanly pretense. This person can be more whiny and clingy, but he’s a sweetheart all the same, and it makes Levi love him even more.

Levi doesn’t think he could necessarily say that it was a happy time. After such a long period of solitude and immobility, Erwin occasionally becomes listless and moody, and Levi is left to bear the brunt of the blow. Caring for Erwin is relatively easy when Levi rather likes cleaning (and Erwin), but it never gets easier on his heart to watch Erwin fumble with a toothbrush in his left hand. It’s excruciating watching Erwin precariously balance the handle in between his teeth, breathing heavily as he squeezes toothpaste slowly onto the bristles. More often than not, most of it ends up in the bathroom sink and not on Erwin’s toothbrush. Levi always wants to snatch the toothbrush out of his mouth and just do it for him, to spare both of them the misery. But then he sees Erwin’s eyebrows furrowed in concentration reflected in the mirror as he approaches from behind, and he’s reminded that Erwin needs to do this. He needs this, the ability to regain whatever semblance of independence he can. Levi may be stubborn, but Erwin is a prideful person, too. And so, Levi retreats with an aching heart, watching silently as Erwin finally takes the plastic end of the toothbrush out of his mouth and begins brushing.

With that said, it was a peaceful time, and Erwin would probably attest to that as well. Most of their days together are spent in routine: In the mornings, Levi barges into Erwin’s room and rips the curtain open. He makes colorful remarks about Erwin’s lazy ass, and said ass whines and curls further into the sheets to escape the offensive sunlight. Levi then proceeds to mercilessly rip the blankets off the huge man who then whimpers like a wounded animal at the loss of warmth.

Lazy as he might be, Erwin insists that he wants to learn to walk again. After breakfast, they go on their strolls every day, just as they have always done. At first, this means Levi looping his arm around Erwin’s middle and Erwin hanging his arm over Levi’s shoulder, a curious four-legged creature hobbling down the block and back. Levi is all but hauling two-hundred plus pounds of dead weight in the beginning, and it’s quite the workout for him. But with time and Erwin’s unwavering determination, he puts less and less weight on Levi, and the forty-five-minute odyssey down the block becomes a fifteen-minute trek around the neighborhood. Eventually, Erwin doesn’t need Levi’s assistance at all, and they can go as far as the park in the center of town. Of course, Erwin never regains the kind of speed that left Levi running to catch up to like in the past, but it’s still pretty damn good in Levi’s book. In fact, he enjoys being able to walk side by side with Erwin, even if he mourns the great view he had of Erwin’s backside.

They take to bickering like an old married couple. It’s inevitable, with how much time they spend together, but Levi’s snappy temper certainly doesn’t help. Now that the formalities of their previous relationship is about as relevant as a knife in a gunfight, Levi does not hesitate to nitpick the blond. Erwin, not to be outdone himself, does not go down without a fight, either.

_Hey. Don’t eat that, you shitty old man._

_What? This cupcake? Don’t be ridiculous, Levi. It’s a harmless little cake. It’s cute, see?_

_It’s shit for you, and you know it. It’ll clog up your arteries and you’ll have a fucking heart attack. I won’t take care of you anymore, I fucking swear. I’ll leave your ungrateful, junk-food-loving ass and you’ll be sorry then._

_Why, Levi, you would never!_

In the fleeting moments of truce, they pick up a new activity that they hadn’t engaged in prior to Erwin’s sickness, to fill the time. Erwin teaches Levi how to play chess, and they spend hours on the porch as Levi tries to figure out how to beat him to no avail. It frustrates the shit out of Levi most of the time, but he must admit that he does feel a surge of triumph the few times he’s managed to snag one of Erwin’s pieces. The mix of surprise and disbelief orchestrated by the wriggles of Erwin’s eyebrows has a lot to do with it.

Like this, living the humdrum life they’d built for themselves, it’s easy for Levi to forget that he’s in love with Erwin. Well, it’s easy to forget the pain of the unrequited part of it, anyway. After all, there’s not much Levi could complain about when Erwin gives him that gentle, steady smile of his every day. Levi thinks that if they could live like this forever, he wouldn’t mind if Erwin doesn’t ever love him back.  

.

.

.

On a dreary afternoon, Levi decides to do a deep cleaning of the mansion. It had rained the previous day, and the humidity makes Erwin’s knees ache, or so he says. Levi thinks it’s just a ruse so he can laze around in bed all day. Whether that’s true or not, Erwin’s taking a nap, so their regular routine is a bust and Levi is left with nothing to do. Besides, the house has gotten a bit too dusty out of neglect for his liking.

He decides to work his way from the top down; clean Erwin’s bedroom first while he’s asleep and hopefully, by the time he gets to the kitchen, Erwin would be awake and he could start on dinner. Quietly pushing open the door to Erwin’s room with quite possibly the most tact he’s ever used, he pokes his head in. Levi’s eyes immediately find the messy tuft of blond hair poking out from the blankets on the bed. The fluff of hair lets out a loud snore in greeting. With the coast clear, he lets himself in.

Levi surveys the room with his hands on his hips. Truth be told, there isn’t much work to be done here. Both Levi and Erwin spend a great deal of time here, so Levi’s always made extra effort to keep the room comfortable. The curtains are light, and allows the warm glow of sunlight in even when closed. A single rose freshly-plucked from the garden sits primly in its vase by the windowsill. All the pillows and blankets _would_ be crisp and in order, had one certain lazy ass not ruined it with his afternoon nap. Levi allows a moment to lament the mussed-up sheets, breathing heavily and pinching the bridge of his nose, but he forces himself to shift his focus to the walk-in closet across from the bed.

Now _that’s_ something Levi should get his hands on. Not that the closet is off-limits to him, but there just hasn’t really been a reason for him to go in there…for five years. Who knows what kind of useless old shit Erwin’s got barricaded in there without his supervision. Levi shudders at the mere thought.

Once he actually gets inside the closet, it’s not nearly as bad as he imagined. He gently skims his fingers along the rack of Erwin’s old suits, relics of his past life in the limelight. Without Marie’s insistence, Erwin is no longer under the pressure of attending social events. Truth be told, people have been hesitant about inviting Erwin since his stroke, anyhow. Which is just fine by Levi.

Sniffing in disdain, Levi rubs the dust in between his fingers. Even if Erwin’s never wearing these again, they really ought to be cleaned. He perches himself on his tiptoes and reaches up to grab the hanger of the first suit. As he takes the hanger off the rung, a box on the top shelf catches his eye. He pauses, hanger still in midair. Levi’s never seen that box before. In one split second, the morality of infringing on Erwin’s privacy crosses his mind and he dismisses it just as fast. He’s seen the man in some of the most compromising of positions; banal things such as privacy is nonexistent between them. Levi promptly hooks the hanger back in its place and stretches further up for the box. It’s heavier than Levi expected, but he manages to set it on the carpeted floor soundlessly. He takes the lid off, and finds a stack of sketchbooks inside.

Ah, that’s right. With the use of his right hand gone, Erwin had irrevocably relinquished the ability to continue drawing. These sketchbooks, too, stand as a bitter reminder of his old life, forever lost. Even so, Levi has always been curious. He might know by the way Erwin shifts in the bed that he needs to fart, or by the way he tilts his head that he’s about to say something stupidly self-deprecating. But there’s still a layer of Erwin, his deep innermost thoughts, that _gaze_ , that Levi can’t read. Never have been able to.

Five years by Erwin’s side, and he never knew what Erwin was truly thinking. And right here, at his fingertips, is the answer. Levi picks up the sketchbook on the top of the pile and flips it open. A gasp escapes him, and he feels as if he’d just been punched in the gut. He flips through the rest of the sketchbook, the falling pages gently fanning his face. He picks up another sketchbook, and another, and another. Levi exhales shakily. All the pages bear the same subject.

A profile of a sharp face with thin eyebrows and lips curled in a scowl. A dashing backside of a figure with an undercut and dark hair, water hose in hand. A pair of stern, half-lidded eyes looking back into the rear-view mirror.

It’s Levi. All of them. When the hell did Erwin even draw these? Why?

Levi’s trembling hands keep flipping the pages, as if on autopilot. Something catches his attention and he stops and smooths the page out reverently with his palm. There he is again. This time, he’s leaning against a propped up shovel, eyebrow raised in skepticism. He looks ethereal, and Levi almost doesn’t recognize the man in the sketch as himself, but those are definitely his clothes. His eyes travel down the drawing and realizes that the figure is surrounded by peonies.

_Shit._

That day, Levi remembers. He remembers how Erwin told him he loved drawing things he found to be beautiful. He also remembers telling Erwin that he better hurry, because whatever he’s drawing won’t stay forever. Erwin held his gaze then and softly said, “ _b_ _ut I can hope_ ”.

Dozens of flashbacks flood Levi’s mind at once, all the times Erwin looked at him with those gentle yet unreadable eyes, and Levi feels like throwing up. He drops the sketchbook. The last piece of the puzzle slides into place.

_It was you, Levi. It was always you. Didn’t you know?_

_._

_._

_._

Levi ends up sitting at the dining room table for hours, housework be damned. He’s been staring aimlessly at the wall, but his mind is racing. He considers telling Erwin that he knows now; it would be so easy to let Erwin confess and have their happily ever after. It’s tempting, but he knows he won’t do it.

Of course, a part of why Levi hasn’t said anything on his end was because he was afraid Erwin would not reciprocate. That part might not be relevant anymore, but the other fears he had still stands, intimidating as ever. He can already hear the hushed whispers of the town. Disabled, and seduced by the twink caring for him. Poor, vulnerable Mr. Smith must miss Marie so desperately to resort to being with a man.

And the thing is, Erwin’s never breathed a word of this, either. Who was Levi to upset the balance of their peaceful life?

Levi’s thoughts are interrupted when he hears something stirring from upstairs. Erwin’s awake. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, willing himself to put on a mask of nonchalance and pretend his whole goddamn world hadn’t just flipped upside down. For a moment, he allows himself to imagine running upstairs, grabbing Erwin by the collar and kissing him silly. He squashes the thought immediately as he pushes himself up and heads upstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was planning on ending the fic with this chapter but it got too long and I split it up. So Erwin was in love with Levi the whole time! Plot twist much? well, maybe not, if you read ATME. Anyway, the final chapter (fr this time) is coming soon, so keep an eye out! Kudos and comments are appreciated as always!!


	5. Chapter 5

It was as if Erwin knew. And for all Levi knows, he really does—Erwin’s bright eyes are always on Levi, watching steadily. Studying. Revering. And he makes sense out of Levi, even when Levi says nothing. Erwin might not know that Levi found his sketchbooks, per se, but he must know something has shifted between them. The conversation is often stilted, suffocating Levi with its silence. It's not to say that it was exactly overflowing to begin with, since it's _Levi,_ but it's definitely more reserved on Erwin's end, too. Then Levi realizes Erwin knows for sure, because merely weeks later, he drops The Bomb.

It begins innocently. The two of them are absorbed in a game of chess on the porch, sweat prickling their skin in the summer heat. They aren’t talking, as per usual during most of their activities together. Levi finds that he likes this sort of tranquility, just enjoying each other’s company quietly. There's this familiarity, a mutual understanding, that they don't have to talk solely for the sake of filling the silence. It’s one of the reasons why Levi could never tire of being with Erwin. But then Erwin opens his mouth as he’s moving one of his pawns.

“Tell me, Levi. How old are you now?”

Levi thinks hard. He knows he’s been employed for at least five years, but birthdays were but a trivial thing in the Underground and he’s not sure how old he was back then to begin with.  “I know I’m thirty, at least.” he says, hand hovering over the chessboard, “but I'm definitely younger than you, old man.”

At that, the blond lets out a hearty laugh that shakes his entire body. Levi knows Erwin finds that name endearing, the sap that he is.

“I’m sure you are,” Erwin assures him.

They fall back into silence, and Levi’s not quite sure why Erwin spoke up in the first place. He sneaks a quick glance at the man across from him and sees that Erwin’s gaze is darting rapidly over the chessboard, trying to anticipate Levi’s next move. Convinced that the spurt of conversation is now over, Levi goes to pick up his knight.

“I was thinking, Levi, that you should get married.”

Levi’s hand freezes. He tears his eyes away from the chessboard and Erwin's looking at him now, eyes unreadable.

_What the fuck?_

“Before you lose your looks,” Erwin explains coolly, “don't think I haven't seen you frowning at your white hairs in the mirror, because I have.”

“Erwin, what the fuck are you talking about?” Levi snaps. He's angry that he'd even suggest such a thing, the idiot. “If I married, that'd mean I'd have to--”

 _Leave you_.

“Quit,” Levi finishes lamely, “who would take care of you then?”

“You're acting like I'm still bedridden. I lost an arm, not my mind. I would take care of myself.” Erwin pats his own chest firmly with his functioning hand as if to prove his credibility. His large puppy eyes implore Levi to trust him.

Levi doesn’t buy it. “Right, because you’re just so great at that.”

Erwin only withers marginally under Levi’s heavy glare.

“Don’t give me that bullshit, you lazy ass, you didn’t bother to do even the easy shit like making your bed when you _did_ have both your arms.”

Erwin exhales

“Let me ask you this. Do you remember when you first came to work for me?”

Of course Levi does. Even to this day, when he walks past the library, he's still reminded of that gorgeous man with the intense gaze that stole his breath away and his heart immediately starts to beat faster. He'd never admit that, obviously, but it's the truth. 

“You work wonders in the kitchen now, but when you first started?”

Erwin wrinkles his nose, reminiscing the atrocious taste.

“And the first time you drove me in the Chevrolet? I figured out right then and there that you didn't know how to drive, Levi. I almost had a stroke.”

He pauses, chuckling at his own little joke.

Levi frowns, withdrawing his hand from the game completely. In the years he worked for Erwin, being at his side every day, never once had the blond issued a single complaint.

“Why did you hire me, then?”

It had been odd to Levi, at the time, the way Erwin hired him on the spot without so much as asking Levi what he could do. Even for a man as kind as Erwin, he isn't the type to lend a hand to every charity case that crosses his path at his own expense.

Erwin lays his eyes on Levi, blue orbs softer than ocean waves kissing the shoreline.

“Because when you walked into the library that day, I thought to myself that I have never seen anyone more beautiful.”

Levi lowers his eyes to the chessboard, blood pounding in his ears. He says nothing.

“Now, I don't expect you to feel the same way. Not when I'm like _this_.” Erwin gestures to his limp arm resting in his lap. The blistering heat of summer is suffocating, but Erwin’s words singes his skin even more.

“But I need to tell you, if only this once, that I have loved you a long, long time, Levi. Please don’t be angry.”

­­

Erwin idly rolls a black chess piece in between his fingers—one of Levi’s pieces that he’d caught—and Levi can only watch his hands’ sure, unwavering movements.

“I’m only telling you this now, so you understand why I want you to go.”

Levi scoffs, the first sound he’s made since. “You love me, so you don’t want to be with me?” He sneers, mustering all his strength to mask his hurt. “That really is something, I have to say. Even for an idiot like you.”

"No, that’s not it." Erwin shakes his head slowly, his bright eyes willing, pleading, Levi to understand. “I can't marry you. I can't have a family with you. All I bring you is burden and solitude.” He rubs his face roughly. When his hand comes down, his eyes are unbearably sorrowful.

“It’s not a happy life, what I can give you.”

Erwin closes his eyes only then, breathing heavily, as if he could not bear to watch Levi leave. “Go, Levi. Be happy.”

Levi lets out a dry laugh at the irony of it all. Years ago, on that hilltop overlooking the town with Erwin’s hand over his, he had stopped himself from confessing because he thought he couldn’t bring Erwin happiness, either.

“You're so fucking stupid. _I'm_ so fucking stupid.”

How much time have they wasted in their years together, dancing around each other? No more.

“You always think you know best, don't you? Shitty old man.” Levi pauses, taking in the sight of Erwin’s furrowed eyebrows and gaping mouth. “But I guess I'm just as bad as you.”

He watches as Erwin's cerulean blue eyes grow wider and wider, his mind hurtling towards the conclusion he'd never dared to make. Levi beats him to it anyway.

“Because I have loved you a long, long, time too.”

“Levi?” Erwin breathes, his trembling hand gripping the edge of the table. “What did you say?”

A fiery blush blooms in Levi’s cheeks. “You know what I said,” Levi snaps, terribly embarrassed. “Don't make me repeat myself.”

In turn, a wide smile slowly spreads on Erwin's beautiful face. “Oh, Levi,” he murmurs, “you've made me the happiest man alive.”

Erwin loosens his grip on the table and reaches for Levi’s hand. He wants more than anything to open up his palm and take Erwin’s hand in his, but he recoils and it almost physically hurts him.

“Wait,” he says hesitantly, “but what about the town? Won't people talk?”

“I don't care about them,” Erwin replies smoothly, “I don't care about what any of them might say. All that's important to me is you. _Us_.”

The blond reaches again and Levi lets his fingers become entangled with Erwin’s. The warmth from the man’s large hand seeps through and it makes his skin tingle. Levi can't see himself but his cheeks are aching and he knows he's smiling like a goddamn idiot. But he doesn't care, because Erwin is smiling like an idiot too.

“Okay,” Levi says, squeezing his lover’s hand, “okay.”

.

.

.

Following that eventful game of chess, everything proceeds as usual. Levi calls Erwin all sorts of names, Erwin whines at Levi to give him a break when he forgets to make his bed, and they still bicker over what to eat for lunch every day. Levi’s not sure if this is because they’ve been together for so long they already function like an old, married couple, or if they’re both just shit at romantic gestures. Levi’s betting on the latter.

Whatever the case may be, nothing changes between them—and Levi can’t say he’s fine with it. After all, if they’re still acting like before Erwin confessed, then wasn’t the whole thing fucking pointless? Levi would do something about it, he really would, but every time he goes to hold Erwin’s hand or stroke his face, he locks up. At which point, Erwin would raise an eyebrow, taking in Levi’s outstretched hand, and calmly ask him what’s wrong. Levi would sputter in response, face burning up, and end up insulting the blond instead.

If Levi’s being honest, he knows he’s not the best at showing affection. Far from it. In fact, he’s probably The Worst. But really, why couldn’t Erwin take a goddamned hint? Can’t he see that Levi’s trying? For a man with such big puppy eyes, you’d think he’d be brimming with affection. But Erwin doesn’t do a thing, either. And so they live in this limbo of sorts: they both know they’re in love but nothing of their life together proves it. And. They still sleep in separate rooms. That’s a big one.

On a day like any other, Levi barges into Erwin’s room and heads straight for the curtains. He rips them open ruthlessly just as Erwin begins to stir, whimpering from the loud noise of Levi’s entrance.

“Get up, you lazy piece of shit,” Levi monotones, turning back to approach the bundle huddled up in the heap of blankets, “I don’t have time to coddle you. I’m planting the peonies today and I wanna get started before it gets too hot.”

Erwin pokes his head out from the blankets, yawning thickly. He cracks open one eye and looks up at Levi hovering over him. “Just a few more minutes. Please?” He doesn’t await an answer and flops his head back down on the pillow.

Levi scowls, firmly grips the top of the blankets and gives it a harsh tug. “Get _up_ ,” he snarls, yanking once more when he’s met with resistance. He manages to pull the covers off Erwin’s upper body.

The blond’s eyes shoot open, as if he’s just realized something, and scrambles to pull the blankets back up. “Wait, Levi,” he protests, voice rising in panic, “Just give me a minute to—“

“ _No_ ,” Levi spits, “every time you say that, you end up sleeping for ages. You don’t think I know your tricks?” With that, he gives it all he’s got and finally wrenches the blankets off Erwin entirely. Erwin gasps and curls in on himself. Two seconds after that, Levi’s triumphant smirk slides off his face when he looks Erwin over and realizes just why Erwin had been so resistant about staying covered.

His eyes trail down the length of Erwin’s body. He sees the typical bedhead hair and rumpled pajamas, nothing out of the ordinary. But then his eyes keep going lower and immediately zeroes in on the front of his pants. There’s a thick bulge there, straining against the fabric. Erwin’s pajama pants are bunched up at his hips from a night of tossing and turning, and the crotch area is conveniently stretched tightly across the bulge. Levi thinks he can make out a shape; he’s never seen Erwin hard before and like this, he looks deliciously huge. Levi actually starts salivating. Erwin follows Levi’s line of sight and snaps into an upright position.

“Um,” Erwin says intelligently. He frantically looks around for something to cover his lower half with but the blankets are now pooled at the foot of the bed, so he just awkwardly adjusts his pajamas pants.

“Sorry,” Erwin stammers, “I, um, didn’t realize... _this_ was going on.” Levi’s never seen Erwin this flustered before. It's intriguing.

It's not that Levi doesn't find Erwin attractive in that way, because he does. He admits it. What he won't admit, however, is how much he wants to fuck Erwin. But of course he does. After all, that's also a part of being in love, isn't it?

In the months following Marie’s abandonment, Levi had bathed Erwin himself when the man was still bedridden. So naturally, there's nothing Levi hasn't seen before. Despite that, there was still an unspoken boundary that Levi refused to cross. He would help Erwin wash his hair and scrub his back, but before his sudsy hands could reach any lower, Levi would shove the loofah into Erwin’s functioning hand. Levi would avert his eyes, fighting the blush creeping up his neck as Erwin quietly took care of his private bits. It felt wrong, to be seeing Erwin in that light when the man had just suffered a life-threatening stroke, and even more so when Levi had no business catching feelings for his master.

That's why Levi never dared to linger on those thoughts for long, but today, he can't look away.

“Show me,” Levi says breathily, “I wanna see.”

“Um,” Erwin wheezes again. Levi ignores him and perches himself on the edge of Erwin’s bed. After giving the reddening man a pointed look, he leans down and plants a light kiss on the tip of the bulge. Erwin chokes in reply but Levi keeps going. He gives a few more kisses, each one wetter and more open-mouthed than the last, until he finally takes the entire head into his hot mouth. Erwin lets out a guttural groan as Levi tongues at the slit through the fabric.

Levi can taste the salty precum through the pajama pants. When he pulls away reluctantly, a string of spit still connects the wet tip of Erwin’s dick and his bottom lip. He glances up at Erwin through hooded eyes as his fingers edge towards the waistband of his pants. Hooking his finger underneath the hem, he makes sure he pauses long enough for Erwin to protest if he really wanted to. He doesn’t, though. Instead, Erwin just stares down at Levi intently, blue orbs burning up in lust.

With his silent permission, Levi promptly tugs his pants down just enough for his cock to spring free. Levi begins to salivate again as he sees Erwin for the first time. His dick is an angry red, with veins running along the length of his shaft. It stands, tall and overbearing, nestled in a bush of coarse blond hair. Levi’s never been more turned on in his life.

“Fuck,” Levi breathes as he grips the base of Erwin’s dick reverently, “you’re so big.”

Without waiting for a reply, he lowers his mouth and promptly swallows Erwin entirely in one go. He relishes in the sharp intake of breath he hears above him, and the trembling of Erwin’s hips that tells him that the blond is holding back. Encouraged, he fits his lips neatly over the base and swallows around Erwin’s cock.

“Shit, Levi,” Erwin grunts, hand brushing over his tear-stained cheeks, “I had no idea you were so good at this.”

Levi comes back up for air, gasping. He wastes no time, though, and grabs Erwin’s hand and pushes it into his hair. “Fuck my mouth,” he whispers, throat already raspy, “and you’ll find out just how good I am.”

With that, he takes Erwin back into his mouth and waits. After Erwin realizes Levi really isn’t going to move, he tightens his grip on Levi’s black locks and pushes him down experimentally until his cock hits the back of Levi’s throat. He does this a couple more times, until he’s sure Levi won’t choke and he begins to yank on Levi’s hair rougher, faster.

“Fuck,” Erwin curses, “fuck, you feel so good, Levi, so wet, so tight.”

Levi whines in response, relishing in the compliment. He’s achingly hard in his own pants, and he’s tempted to touch himself, but he wants this to be all about Erwin. He wants to make him feel good.

Erwin doesn’t give him much time to think about that, because his hips begin to move on their own. Soon, he’s just holding Levi’s head in place as he jackhammers up into Levi’s wet mouth, chasing his release.

“I’m gonna cum,” Erwin groans, “so good, _fuck_ …”

Levi squeezes Erwin’s thighs and hopes it translates for him to not pull out, and Erwin seems to have gotten the message because suddenly Erwin’s letting out a loud moan. Levi’s nose is buried in Erwin’s pubic hair as he holds him there and grinds into his mouth, pumping cum down his throat.

A few seconds pass before Erwin finally relents his grip on Levi’s hair and he comes up gasping for air. As Erwin sprawls back on the bed, recollecting himself, Levi goes to the bathroom to clean himself up. When he comes back, Erwin’s tucked himself back into his pants and is looking much too proper for a man who’d just had an intense orgasm mere minutes ago.

“So,” Levi starts conversationally as he sits back down on his spot on the bed, “ _that_ happened.”

Erwin lets out a soft chuckle. “Yes, indeed it did.”

Levi stares at Erwin, who stares back at him with the same gentle eyes as always, and he snaps.

“Why the fuck didn’t we do this earlier?” Levi demands, “We fucking confessed to each other, didn’t we? We’re—” he pauses, fighting the oncoming blush on his cheeks, “we’re in love, aren’t we?”

“Oh, Levi,” Erwin says, warmth seeping from his voice, “Of course we are. Please don’t ever doubt that. It’s just that…” he trails off, trying to anticipate Levi’s reaction like they’re playing fucking chess. “It’s just that you’re not exactly a touchy person. And I know that things like affection can make you uncomfortable. So I wanted to respect your boundaries and wait for you to come to me.”

“For fuck’s sake, Erwin,” Levi groans, “I _want_ to touch you, ok? Holding hands, cuddling, all that stuff. But you said it yourself: I’m not exactly a touchy person. So how the fuck am I supposed to initiate that shit?”

Erwin’s lips round out into a silent _oh._

“I suppose I haven’t considered that.”

“Fucking stupid, as always,” Levi scoffs. Erwin looks awfully crestfallen at that,  so Levi takes initiative and reaches for Erwin’s hand.

“It’s okay,” he says softly, “we have our whole lives to figure it out together, don’t we?”

Erwin grins broadly and squeezes Levi’s hand. “Right,” he says.

The warmth of Erwin’s hand travels through his body and it sends his heart aflutter. He may never be able to return to the Underground, but Levi thinks he’s found his home right here, with Erwin.

“Together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had I followed the original story, Levi would not have reciprocated and Erwin would have died. Aren't I good to you all? 
> 
> Anyway!! I finally finished this gosh I can't believe it! I've always wanted to write this and now that I finally have, I feel like I can do anything LOL. I hope you enjoyed the fic! and, of course, the bonus smut at the end ;) 
> 
> as always, kudos and comments are appreciated!!


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